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Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 04 October 2010 12:13

Wondering what's up with the lack of updates recently? I have been overwhelmed by this getting married thing I am currently doing. The actual wedding will take place on October 11th, with a weeklong honeymoon, and hopefully after that I'll be able to get back and start updating this site with some regularity again.

So, don't look for any updates until October 18th, at the earliest.

Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 25 August 2010 18:44

The NFL owners are expected to approve a deal to expand the schedule to 18 games in 2012. I'm only happy if this means less preseason. Watching preseason is like eating a McRibb. It makes you feel good as a man, because you're ordering ribs.

But then you realize its just a burger in the shape of ribs, with crappy McDonald's BBQ sauce. Then you start thinking about who has the sad job at the McDonald's factory of shaping burgers into ribs. Then you examine your financial situation that has you eating fast food BBQ on a daily basis.

This metaphor got lost somewhere in there and went off course. But the point is, preseason sucks.

Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 25 August 2010 07:57

Ochocinco apparently twittered DURING a Bengals game...We wrote an article about this last year because we thought it too crazy to happen...

Blake Griffin Twitters About Awesome Shot During Game

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 24 August 2010 06:50

Mike Shanahan met with Haynesworth for a private talk yesterday, no doubt to decide how they can push even further the best training camp battle in history. This is better than any QB positional battle. Who will win? The fat slob, or the old man?

Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 16 August 2010 11:27

Tim Tebow debuted yesterday and made a big impact, at least in terms of people talking about his 3rd string performance as if it was anything special. A 8/13 statline for 108 yards with no passing TDs and no interceptions, matches him up favorably with just about any 3rd string QB going against a 3rd string defense so far this preseason.

He was about as good as a J.T. O'Sullivan, Patrick Ramsey, or a Jimmy Clausen were yesterday. But you'd never know it from hearing all the media talk about how not-shitty he looked...

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 10 August 2010 21:12

We want to welcome a new member to the writing team here on Nick Cafferky. Nick hails from Virginia Tech, and has contributed a nice debut piece in the form of today's Madden NFL 11 mini-games list. Go check it out, and look forward to more great stuff from him in the future!

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 10 August 2010 13:13

The Detroit Pistons have added a former elite All-Star to their bench in Tracy McGrady. I say to the bench and not necessarily the team, because that's where he'll be spending most of his time in street clothes after he gets injured within the first game or two.

Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 09 August 2010 21:24

Brand new video is up! Check it out TSCers!

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Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 28 July 2010 08:23

The Bengals just had to bad can we truly be? They would have been kicking themselves later if they hadn't pulled the trigger on this deal to find out.

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 27 July 2010 12:27;other

Stadium food is apparently dangerous and toxic to your health. No wonder hot dogs always taste better at the game, I forget to make them poisonous at home.

I am very angry about this report. I order a triple decker cheese burger covered in onion rings and special sauce with a side of fried cheese knowing that it's going to cause me a heart attack one day. But the fact I could be hospitalized the very next day? Unacceptable.

Well, look, despite all this, 7 dollar hot dogs are too delicious to stop eating, even if they might kill me. I will forget I ever read this now.

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 27 July 2010 08:41;other

What an awesome news story. Here are my thoughts:

  1. He should have used banana cream, shaving cream pies are way too dangerous. I've been trumpeting the hazards of using them for years.
  2. I'm glad to learn pieing is a verb, so says
  3. This is why you have your worst player deliver the pie to the face. The guy getting pied probably hates him already, and you won't care if he gets hurt. Maybe send a struggling relief pitcher nobody likes to do it.

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 20 July 2010 19:03;other

"Lance Armstrong lost a sprint finish and watched his chances of a stage win in his final Tour de France slip away on Tuesday. Armstrong came in sixth in a sprint won by Pierrick Fedrigo of France, ahead of Sandy Casar of France and Ruben Plaza of Spain. Armstrong had joined the first break of the day and remained ahead of the peloton for nearly the entire length of the 16th stage that had four major climbs, including the famed Col du Tourmalet."

First of all, the Col du Tourmalet is of course my favorite hill in all of bike racing. Secondly, "his final Tour de France"? Isn't this like the 8th one of those we've had to sit through? At least he made the other ones bearable by winning the whole time, and giving us an excuse to chant U-S-A...

Written by Tim Hoffman Friday, 16 July 2010 12:39

Bigger story: Penny Hardaway wants to try out for the Miami Heat, or the simple fact that Penny Hardaway is still alive? No doubt he wants to come back and school these youngsters on how to have a Nike puppet represent you in commercials.

Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 13 July 2010 14:43

Hey everybody, just an update that we added a bunch of stuff from the old site today. 75 or so articles from March 2009-July 2009 were put here in the archives. You can browse them by clicking the news stories link on the top, or they will show up randomly on the main page under From "The Archives".

We hope to add a big three month chunk of old content back to the site every week until we get everything ported over here from the old one. So enjoy the old stories, and bear with us as we work to get this place up to 100% functionality.

Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 12 July 2010 14:59

It's the day before the MLB All-Star game, and no doubt tonight everyone will gathering around Charlie Manuel tonight to hear him tell of the time the NL actually won an All-Star game. They will hear of an age when the NL was actually competitive, and not just stat padding for the Yankees and Red Sox during the months of May and June.

It was way back in the age of 1996, when the movie Independence Day was the top grossing movie, when people were simpler, in that most of them sat through a horrid movie like Independence Day. Can the NL rekindle that 1996 magic? Oh, what's that? Their starting pitcher is from the Colorado Rockies? Nope, I guess 1996 won't be happening then...

Written by Tim Hoffman Sunday, 11 July 2010 00:31

LeBron James sits down with's TSC Live to talk to Jim Robertson in his first interview since The Decision, about if he will also be switching "teams" next season. It's believed he could not resign with being straight and play for another "team", as early as this week. Jim asks him about the process he went through to choose a new team, and goes into some of the rather disturbing details.

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Written by Tim Hoffman Friday, 09 July 2010 12:52
Big news everybody, has just landed the first interview with LeBron James following "The Decision". Stay tuned tomorrow once we can edit this thing together, we'll be posting it up...
Written by Tim Hoffman Thursday, 08 July 2010 19:03
In an hour's time, all the LeBron James alternate jersey photoshopping artists are going to be out of a job. Judging by how many of these are posted around the web, this could very well destroy the American economy...
Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 07 July 2010 11:50

LeBron James joined Twitter yesterday morning and already has over 2 million followers.

In related news, Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer has announced his grandkids have gotten him on Friendster, and he is now accepting Friendquests from anyone who still uses the service. Since his signup yesterday, he already has 3 friends, and hopes to send them fun "friendessages" once his grandkids come over and show him how to turn on the computer again.

Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 07 July 2010 06:22

New video is up over on our Youtube channel:

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Written by Tim Hoffman Friday, 02 July 2010 08:23

With all the free agents getting max deals from various teams such as Joe Johnson, Rudy Gay, and LeBron James, a local man would like to announce he too negotiated a max deal for himself at the Golden Corral last night.

"I want to tell everyone that I was able to secure a max deal yesterday, after a long session of negotiation at the register. I was able to secure fried shrimp, steak, chicken fingers, crab cakes, ice cream, and more, all for around 10 bucks. I am very happy with the deal, as is my agent, and I am happy to inform everyone that I ate most of what they had to offer last night."


Written by Tim Hoffman Thursday, 01 July 2010 17:58
No elaboration needed. This blog post just wrote itself with that headline.
Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 30 June 2010 18:14

Well, it turns out Michael Vick WAS at the birthday party when one of his old dog fighting friends got shot. First of all, I'm pretty sure Michael Vick spends 90% of his day in places where illegal activities are taking place somewhere on the premises.

Secondly, this is to all our dog fighting readers out there: behave at parties, you guys already have a bad rep for giving shitty birthday gifts, you don't need to be known as the guys that always end up shot too. No one likes getting blood and human entrails on their cake, or getting an expensive bill from the restaurant the party is in for body cleanup. Well, unless they're a rich vampire...

Written by Tim Hoffman Wednesday, 30 June 2010 11:51
There has been so many possible trade destinations for LeBron James mentioned over the past few days. But the Minnesota Timberwolves would like to announce they are no way in the running as a destination for LeBron James to go. They also announced they have no interest in any other free agents, and have no intention of winning any time in the near future. That is all.
Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 28 June 2010 21:17;other

How to be an American tennis beat writer... Take text "______________ loses at Grand Slam". Copy into word document. Replace blank line with names of all American men. Your work is done within the first week of the tournament, and you can hang out in English pubs the rest of the time and write about the greatness of Roger Federer.

This strategy also works for anyone writing a bio of Andy Roddick, just copy and paste 4 times a year, and done.

Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 28 June 2010 21:00

Apparently scientists are studying the late Chris Henry, and found that maybe a defect in his brain is what made him so crazy. I can not believe a scientist somewhere is getting paid heaps of money to study the brain of a wacked out middle of the road wide receiver...

Written by Tim Hoffman Monday, 28 June 2010 20:12

Hey TSCers, we now have some spiffy RSS feeds, so subscribe today to get delivered right to your doorstep...if you happen to have a computer on your doorstop that has RSS reader software.

We have one for the fake news:

And one for the blog feed: 

We can add one for POTD, if it's demanded we do so, although so many pictures kind of defeats the purpose of a text syndicator.

Written by Tim Hoffman Sunday, 27 June 2010 12:08

The relaunch is now a go and the website is live! Thanks for stopping by and hopefully we can iron out the last remaining bugs over the next few weeks to get the new site as awesome as it should be. If you run into broken links, don't worry, we will be patching them as we go along.

Also, where did our 2+ years of content vanish to? Well, we couldn't easily convert the stories over to the new system we're using, so we'll be doing a couple each week until we have it all ported over. Could be awhile with the 800+ stories we had on the old site.

Written by Tim Hoffman Saturday, 26 June 2010 16:58

We have released our first video to celebrate the relaunch of the site! Check it out right here or over on the Youtubes! We are covering this release of the brand new video game Vuvuzela Hero, which lets you play along with the most annoying instrument in the world.

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Written by Tim Hoffman Saturday, 26 June 2010 13:16

Welcome everyone to the brand new Today we unveil what will hopefully become THE destination on the web for fun sports content. I took a break last June, about a year ago to the day, after two years of daily updates and generally getting burnt out on running this site solo. I did some web video projects outside of the sports realm, but always the itch remained to return to

About a month ago I made the decision to start it up again, this time bringing in some other writing and multimedia contributors to help bring to its full potential. Our new sports comedy team will be working together to bring you some exciting content on a more regular basis than before, including a lot more multimedia. The site has been redesigned to bring us into the 20 teens with a more modern style and a lot more going on with the homepage. It's still a work in progress, and certain aspects might not be functioning correctly yet, but we should have all the bugs ironed out over the next week or so.

It's because of this new collaboration with several new writers that we are going to change the name of the site. When I first started this page, it was a personal blog called "Tim - The Sports Comedian". It was just me making posts from time to time in a long wordpress style page. But now that we have expanded to include other contributors, as well as a vast array of multimedia work, we will be simply called

We thank everyone who remained a loyal reader from our earliest days in 2007 through our closure in June of 2009. Our relaunch was in part due to the many emails and messages we received asking when we were coming back, and saying how much was missed. From everyone here on the new team we hope you enjoy the brand new, and hope you'll add it back to your regular website rotation.

So buckle up, we have a lot of exciting things on the horizon for you here. Also, I think you can get a ticket if you're not wearing a seatbelt while browsing the web. Click it or ticket, or something like that. I also saw in a commercial that you can also get one if you are dumb enough to fill your car up with beer or wine and then drive around in it.

...I lost focus somewhere there. The point is, welcome to the brand new

 -Tim Hoffman
Founder Of

Picture Of The Day

The Arizona Wildcats team does NOT regret the decision to play a football game wearing their PJs.

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