Thursday Oct 23
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Greg Oden Might Not Be Unhealthy Enough To Start Season In Hospital

"I'm out here, playing this basketball stuff, and all I can think about is my teammates back at the medical center who I'm not there to give support to."

Greg Oden, sadly and reluctantly, announced today that he might not yet be unhealthy enough to start the upcoming NBA season in the Portland Trailblazers medical center. Oden revealed to the press that this offseason, he was unable to sustain an injury capable of letting him stay in the hospital and eat ice cream all day while watching soap operas.

"It's gonna be rough, not being here to help this hospital," said Oden. "I'm out here, playing this basketball stuff, and all I can think about is my teammates back at the medical center who I'm not there to give support to. Who is going to help Dr. Williams make the rounds in the burn ward?

"Those poor burn victims who are used to saying 'Hey! Aren't you that basketball player who everybody thought was going to be really good out of college?'. Seeing a burned out athlete makes them feel good, and take their thoughts off their burned out faces."

The Portland Trailblazers team say that they hope to get Oden back into the hospital soon.

"We know he's a big part of that place," said head coach Nate McMillan. "And judging by how giant and awkward he is out there on the court, I think we can have him back where he belongs in no time. We're just going to keep playing him hard, and by the third or fourth game, he should be crumpled up under the basket with some type of injury."



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