Written by Tim Hoffman Tuesday, 28 September 2010 07:36
"1.5 gallons of beer in a plastic bottle is a lot like 1 gallon of wine in a box."
Like all sports analysts, I like to make predictions about what will happen each Sunday of the NFL season. While most predictions the so-called experts make are completely wrong once the games happen, and they move right along as if they never made them, I have no problem showing mine to the world.
It just so happens I forgot to post this before the games ran. But since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:
- Jimmy Clausen will be just as awesome as he was at Notre Dame.
- If there's one steadfast strategy that always works, it's icing the kicker. Those guys do not think about the fact they are about to either win or lose a game, until that extra 30 second break happens.
- So someone told me that Jimmy Johnson is in this season of Survivor? I never would have known, since they never mention him in promos or on sports talk radio...
- This is the week that Michael Vick is revealed as a fraud, and we can finally go back to that great Kolb guy.
- They only play each other every 4 years, and finally the Texans can prove they are the best team in Texas for the next couple of years.
- The laundry guy will definitely remember to wash the jerseys so that the Chicago Bears aren't forced to don the uniforms that teams wear in beer commercials when the advertisers don't want to pay the NFL licensing fees.
- I like Pittsburgh's depth, but there is no way they can win with their 5th string quarterback.
- 1.5 gallons of beer in a plastic bottle is a lot like 1 gallon of wine in a box.
- Braylon Edwards will be so upset about being benched for one quarter, I don't see him being much of a factor. No one can recover from the disdain of 15 minutes on the sidelines.
- The Detroit Lions always lose, that is what the last decade has taught us. But they are going up against Interception Machine Brett Favre. With their awful QB they don't have a chance, but Favre will probably complete more balls to them than the other team.
- The new Mercedes-Benz cars can tell their drivers that they are horrible drivers and rich douches who can afford a Mercedes-Benz.
- The New York Giants might just be the best team in New York.
- Buffalo Wild Wings would like to remind you, they have been ruining fair sporting events for over 10 years.
- Even I, in all the horrible predictions I've made over the past 3 years, can't pick the Buffalo Bills over the New England Patriots. There's just no way that can happen, even in my obviously fake day too late predictions.