The New York Mets opened their brand new ballpark, Citi Field, yesterday with a game against the San Diego Padres. But it was not the grand celebration the Mets had hoped for, as they lost to the visiting friars 6-,5 in a contest that showcased their franchise's ineptitude to dominate despite their superior roster. The Padres even led off the game with a homerun, the first in the new stadium.

But now, Mets officials are looking into a refund on their $800 million dollar stadium because developers claimed it would be "a luxurious and breathtaking new home that will inspire the Metropolitans to victory for years to come."

"Obviously, this thing is defective," said Mets owner Fred Wilpon. "It was supposed to give us some wins, and instead we look just like the team from the last two years that blew big leads down the stretch to the Phillies. I am trying to see if they will pay for shipping to send it back to them for a new one, but they say losses to the horrid Padres are not covered under warranty. This is a total crock."

Wilpon went on to say that since this stadium is obviously not any better than Shea, he is already looking into getting funding for a new stadium to build next to this one.

"We are going to just keep building these things until we get one that works. Citi Field is great and all, but we can do bigger and more expensive, so that's exactly what we're going to do. There is a lot of land left in Queens that is not yet a stadium, so we have a lot more chances to get one that works for us to actually win at."

The Mets should be fine for the current season though. They built enough luxuries and amenities into Citi Field to lure in the fans, who they knew would not pay just to see the Mets play. Their seats are also so comfortable most fans will fall right asleep in their chairs, and miss the part of the game where the Mets bullpen blows the big early lead.

They also want to remind fans that Citi Field is home to two of the biggest HD screens in the world. Which are the best place to watch your favorite baseball team, obviously not the Mets of course, when they show highlights of other games. So don't stay at home and watch your franchise there, come on out and tell your office buddies you watched them on the largest HDTVs in the universe. Just be sure to not glance on the awful baseball product being displayed on the actual field...